plans

I have learned some things this week. The first of which is that I am a good event planner but sometimes I procrastinate to much. I simply wait to long to plan things. This weekend I was the Dj at my fiance's best friend's wedding. I didnt find out til that day but I didnt plan what I was goin to say until I was walking to the front of the reception. I had to introduce people and explain things to the guests but I didnt plan anything. This coming sunday I am planning on doing a BBQ for the youth group I am incharge of. The problem is I didn't plan to do this until two days ago. I just sent an email to the people who are supposed to attend the BBQ to tell them about it. I need to do better about procrastination. I have always done that. I think thatI need to be proactive. It reminds me of the movie "sasquatch gang". In one scene the main girl has a list of things to do and the last one is "be proactive". she does this by wiring her mouht shut to lose weight. I am not planning on doing anything quite so drastic but I do need to plan things further in advance. I am hoping that I can accomplish this goal. I have found that I often procrastinate on my goals of not procrastianting. I think this time I can do better.

Side note only 38 days until I get married.

growing up

I feel like an old man. I work more than most of my friends, I am getting married, and I am completely on my own. I feel as if I went from an 18 year old kid to being 25 and I am only 19. I wonder if most people feel this way. I wnder if everyone at this age think they act older than they are. I have met other people my age and they dont seem to care about anyone but themselves. I work witha  guy my age, he has a son, he is cheating on the mom of that son and is proud of it. I guess he does as much stuff as I do but he is acting as if he is still a 15 year old kid. I have this theory that all guys between the ages of 15 and 17 are deuche bags. Some start early and some start late and some just keep goingt il they are around thirty and realize they are all alone. I find it odd that so many people still live like they are teenagers but they do. I have seen people just do silly things with their money and with their time, things I did in high school. I do not understand how that can be satisfying. Today I was reading Hosea and it broke me. I was reading about God indicting the people of Isreal and the people of Ephraim. He tells them how awful they are and how they need to stop doing the same things over and over again. I think that is what growing up is all about. I think that growing up is realizing that the things you have done for so long dont work anymore. As a Christian I know that I still sin alot but part of me growing up in Christ is to learn that the sins I am committing now dont have any hold on my life and I must stop doing them. It is like Tony Dinozzo from NCIS says "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got." I guess that is my view of growing up. I think I realized this and have grown in my walk with Christ because of it.

living on my own

Since I last posted I have moved into my own place. I am, for the first time, living independently. I guess I am not living on my own perse. Actually will never live alone. Thats an odd thing to think about. I know so many people who just live alone and they think it is so much fun, but really it doesnt seem that fun. Right now I am living with two guys, I only ever see one. Matt and Cody are their names. It feels alot like I am in school actually. In school I lived with two other guys in a dorm. Now I am doing the same. my aprtmen is only bigger than a dorm becaus eof the kitchen and shower. So to me nothing has really changed except the people and the location. What's great about living "on my own" is that I have my own place. I have aplace to call home. The last few weeks of school and two weeks after school I didnt feel like I really had a home. I even went back to kentucky but that didn't really feel a whole lot like home. I mean my family was there but after things that have happened it was kind of odd and it seemed that I was walking on eggshells. I guess there is just somehting about having a place to call home that just bring security. I think, most people are just looking for security. That is why so many people love money. We see money as a security blanket and so we can just hold on to it and it will save us from all our troubles. I know I used to feel this way. I was a business school student becasue I thought I knew how to take care of myself better than God. What I hadto realize is that I cannot find my security in anything other than God. God is my security even if I have a home. My home is not actually my security. It is amazing to me that God will give people so much stuff and yet they never even recognize that he is the one giving it to them. All of our security is in Him and we dont even realize that. I wish more people would realize the how great the provision of God is. Like now, I have internet in my apartment some how and I havent had internet for two weeks. God has provided for me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I am thankful but no where close to how thankful I should be.