Preparing to get Married = Dying to self

I am getting married this weekend... Sometimes I just have to remind myself. If I have learned one thing since being engaged it is this: Dying to yourself is the most important part of love.

Some people think that being physically involved or being emotionally involved is more important than commitment. Dying to self shows commitment. The physicality of a relationship dies as soon as two people are apart. That is why no relationship can be built on looks and nothing else. The emotional aspect of a relationship is killed as soon as too people lose contact. Now, these two parts are very important. I would not say to have no emotional or physical connection. I do believe that the level of commitment must be higher than the level of physical or emotional involvement.

Now to show why I believe this. I will begin with two of my favourite passages of scripture.

1. Philippians 2:5

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, ¹⁰ so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

To begin, and mostly because if I do not do this my roommate will be upset, when this passage talks about Jesus emptying himself this does not mean that he is in any way less God. I do not believe that Jesus can in any way make himself less God. He is at all times the second person of the Trinity and therefore is, with God the Father and the Holy Spirit, Completely and totally God, co-eternal with the other persons of the trinity.

Now to the matter at hand, I think this passage is actually talking about the attitude of Christ, as is the next passage, in his sacrifice for all of humanity. We are told here that we are to have the "mind" of Christ (or the attitude). This attitude is then explained in verses 6-8, which is one long sentence. First, He "did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped". He did as we have been called to do. He was and is completely God, as stated before. However, as Jesus came to save humanity He did not, as He could have, say "I am God and therefore I am above sacrificing for these lowly humans". Jesus had every right to do so. This is not to say that God would never sacrifice for us only that, as God, He owes nothing. That is what Paul is telling us here. Jesus did not owe it to humanity to become like us and to die for us. However, He did. (John 3:16 "For God so loved the world") Jesus loved us so much that He was obedient to the Fathers will for Him to die for we weary sinners. We are told that we should have that mind. This is a hard thing to do. Romans 5:7-8 tells us that usually people will not even die for a good person but while we were still sinners Christ died, extending grace to us. That is the tension we are told to live in. As a Christian I must be willing to die for anyone in the world even if I do not know them. Jesus died for me when I did not know him and I am commanded to love like that. Which brings us to the next verse.

2. John 15:12-13

¹² “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

When the disciples heard this Jesus had recently told them of one of their betrayal of him. The commandment here is a very heavy one. Most people, even Christians or maybe I should say especially Christians, fail at it every day. "Love one another as I have loved you". And then we must be willing to lay our life down for our friends. That is crazy; I will explain why I find it so crazy shortly. The way Christ loves us is so counter cultural and is the antithesis of almost everything we are taught. First, we must be in community in order to love other people. Let me be very clear, it is nearly impossible to love anyone through Facebook. Over the internet no one can hear your tone or feel your touch, you are not really spending time with any one and because of these things you are not in community. That is why church is so important to Christians you must be with the people of God in order to love them (John 13:31-35). I understand there are some people who cannot leave their homes and so they cannot leave to be in community. To this problem I say that the church must reach out to them in order to fulfill its purpose in existing. Second, we must love people more than we ever thought possible. We must love people like Christ loved us. The wonderful thing about this is that we cannot do it on our own. I find that statement very comforting. I cannot love any one without God. All love is just a counterfeit without God being involved. These are the two points of this passage.

Now for why I learned so much about this while being engaged. It was Friday, I had been awake since 6:45 am and I was trying to figure out how to get a bike from the apartment building my fiancé was staying in. I suggested she bring the bike up the next morning on the bus because I didn't want to and it was 11 pm. My fiancé asked me to just come get it because she was busy the entire next day. I did not have a bus pass and so I began to walk, it is a two mile walk one way. So I walked there and picked up the bike. On the way back I was just angry and thought that my fiancé was being selfish and I was being selfless. The next morning I woke up late, about 7:00 AM. I worked 8.5 hrs. just like the day before and went home. It wasn’t that bad of a work day and I got out early. At about 9:30 PM my fiancé texted me and asked if I would pick her up from work. I didn’t want to because that is also two miles away. I did anyway. On my way I realized that I was not the one being selfless. I was being selfish. I was not loving Lisa as Christ had loved me I was loving her less than that and therefore I was in sin. I was not truly following the example of Christ. Jesus did not complain while on the cross but he said 'forgive them for they know not what they do". The painful thing is that Lisa knew it. She could feel my selfishness and it was hurting our relationship. I had to ask for forgiveness from God first then from Lisa and then I had to change my attitude. A good test for if you love others is how you treat those closest to you.

If you cannot love those closest to you, there is no way you can love the lost.